Apparently I’m Not Low-Maintenance After All

Midlife is when you stop pretending you’re chill about the salad order!

For most of my life, I carried the “low-maintenance” badge like it was a personality virtue. I was easy, chill, cool-girl-coded. I believed low demands, low drama, and low inconvenience to others was somehow a moral accomplishment. Except… that’s not entirely true.

If we’re being honest, I am the person who orders a salad with seventeen micro-edits: dressing on the side, add avocado but only if it’s ripe, no onions, swap the cheese, extra lemon, extra crunch, and can you make sure it’s chopped because I don’t want to wrestle with lettuce.

So low-maintenance? No. I am particular. I have preferences. And at this age, I’ve earned the right to want what I want, exactly how I want it.

It’s very When Harry Met Sally, especially the iconic diner scene where Sally orders with precision that could rival a NASA launch sequence. Years ago, we laughed at women like that. Now I recognize them as women who understand themselves deeply, who are clear, and who have finally stopped contorting themselves to be easy.

Which brings me to midlife maintenance, my preferred term for the space between “I’m easy, I swear” and “I like my life curated, thank you.”

And honestly, midlife maintenance is not a flaw or a sign of neediness.

It’s a woman who’s done enough life reps to know exactly what she needs to feel grounded, fueled, steady, and sane without editing herself to make it easier for everyone else. The older we get, the more self-knowledge becomes its own survival skill.

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Aging Out of Fucks (A Necessary Evolution)

The best part of midlife isn’t that we suddenly don’t care. It’s that we finally care about the right things. That’s the energy I loved in a recent article by Ellen Scherr… linking it here because it’s too damn good not to!

It hit me that women in midlife aren’t becoming difficult. We’re becoming discerning. Our brains are literally wired to recalibrate what gets our attention and what no longer deserves it. Call it a shift, call it a fire being lit, call it the moment you realize you can’t keep abandoning yourself — whatever it is, it changes everything.

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Maslow in Midlife: A Theory I’m Willing to Bend

If Maslow’s hierarchy is a pyramid, women in midlife have finally climbed high enough to see the view. We’ve handled the basics: safety (more or less), food (most days), shelter (yes), belonging (on good weeks), and self-esteem (a work in progress). Now we’re entering the higher floors, the ones about self-expression, identity, authenticity, desire, ease, clarity, and joy that isn’t earned but chosen.

Most of us spent decades surviving the bottom of the pyramid through kids, partners, work, expectations, emotional labor, caregiving, and holding everyone else up while ignoring the internal earthquake. Now we’re finally tending to the advanced needs, the ones that require choice, intention, discernment, and yes, maintenance.

Not the external kind… not the hair, nails, or serums, although let’s be honest, those never hurt. I’m talking about the internal maintenance: the “How do I want to live now?” kind, the “What supports my actual nervous system?” kind, the “What am I no longer willing to hold?” kind. This is the era of midlife maintenance, and it is clear, unapologetic, and earned.

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So What Is Midlife Maintenance?

Here’s my running list, pulled straight from my Real Girls Guide brain, my own rewiring, and the conversations women who slide into my DMs at 1 a.m. share:

Midlife Maintenance Is…

1. Clarity over chaos. If the communication is vague, I glitch. I need people to say the thing and mean the thing.

2. Time with people I don’t have to emotionally babysit. I’m done with relationships that feel like unpaid internships.

3. Saying no without an essay (yep, saying it loud for the people in the back… again). A boundary doesn’t require a novel.

4. Being particular because I actually know myself now. No onion, extra lemon, and please chop the salad. I’m done pretending I don’t care.

5. Energy conservation as a lifestyle. If something drains me, it’s a hard no. If it steadies me, it stays.

6. Wanting what I want without apologizing. Preferences are data, not inconveniences.

7. Text messages with full sentences. I’m not 23. I need tone, punctuation, and basic clarity.

8. A home that feels like a landing pad, not a pit stop. I want grounding, not another place to perform.

9. Relationships where I don’t have to earn my keep. I’m not performing for connection anymore.

10. Spaces that don’t ask me to shrink. Midlife is expansion season, not compression season.

11. Joy that isn’t justified. It can be small, unnecessary, impulsive, or silly. It still counts.

12. Menopause boundaries. “I’m exhausted” isn’t an excuse. It’s a vital sign.

13. Emotional honesty that puts my nervous system first. Peace is a requirement, not a luxury.

14. Letting people meet me where I actually am. I am no longer bending myself into shapes for their comfort.

15. Living one inch higher than my doubts. Not a reinvention, not a leap, just a small and steady upward shift.

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Turns Out the Whole “Low-Maintenance” Thing Was a Myth!

What I really am is midlife-maintenance… which is just code for finally knowing myself well enough to stop pretending otherwise.

I’m not difficult, dramatic, or “a lot.” I am clear. I am particular. I am earned. And that’s the whole point!

Now tell me… what does your midlife maintenance look like?

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#RealGirlsGuidetoMidlife #MidlifeMeme #MidlifeMaintenance

We’ve earned every wrinkle. Might as well make more laugh lines together.
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