The reliable friend who books the house and tracks the Venmos and remembers the snacks has usually been over-functioning for years without it registering as a cost. Then perimenopause comes through and lowers the tolerance for it. The anticipating, the smoothing, the carrying things for people before they even know something needs carrying.
The estrogen that quietly buffered all that low-grade vigilance starts to fluctuate, and the buffer goes with it. So what looks like a friendship finally chafing is sometimes just a nervous system that has stopped agreeing to do the unpaid labor it used to absorb without a word.
I do not read that as something gone wrong. More like the body declining to keep volunteering for a role nobody ever actually assigned. Thanks, Amy
I’m not a huge planner- and yet i seem to be the only one in my friend group who plans trips! Though im more of a “let’s plan the destination, how to get there, and where to stay, and the rest is up in the air!”Kind of planner.
It’s interesting how different some friendship dynamics can be. Especially as we get older!
The reliable friend who books the house and tracks the Venmos and remembers the snacks has usually been over-functioning for years without it registering as a cost. Then perimenopause comes through and lowers the tolerance for it. The anticipating, the smoothing, the carrying things for people before they even know something needs carrying.
The estrogen that quietly buffered all that low-grade vigilance starts to fluctuate, and the buffer goes with it. So what looks like a friendship finally chafing is sometimes just a nervous system that has stopped agreeing to do the unpaid labor it used to absorb without a word.
I do not read that as something gone wrong. More like the body declining to keep volunteering for a role nobody ever actually assigned. Thanks, Amy
Totally agree w/ you and love the reminder! the body and the mind do start declining to keep volunteering. THANK YOU for diving in and for sharing!
I’m not a huge planner- and yet i seem to be the only one in my friend group who plans trips! Though im more of a “let’s plan the destination, how to get there, and where to stay, and the rest is up in the air!”Kind of planner.
It’s interesting how different some friendship dynamics can be. Especially as we get older!
YES! The dynamics of so many things shift as we get older. I can relate to your kind of planning…thanks for reading my piece!