Two Women Walk Into a Bar
One wears confidence. The other remembers where she left it.
One of the best parts of writing the Real Girls Guide to Midlife book hasn’t just been the actual writing. It’s been listening.
The women who’ve shared their stories didn’t send super polished essays. They sent pieces—late night texts, emails, quick DMs, vents, questions, unfiltered, raw, blunt truths.
And not the public versions—the real ones. They’re the things we whisper to ourselves in the mirror when no one’s watching, and honestly, that’s where the best stories start!
The Spanx Came Off
One amazing badass told me about the night she showed up to a party wrapped in $90 worth of Spanx… tight, breathless, and too uncomfortable to take a full sip of a cosmo.
She walked into the bathroom stall, peeled them off like she was breaking out of a trap, shoved them into the “women’s box,” and walked out free. She ordered that drink. She breathed.
And real talk? I get it. I’ve had my own Spanx moments. I’m not a die-hard loyalist, but I’ll admit… they do a spectacular job of sucking and smoothing when I need them to. But I’ve also stood in a dimly lit bathroom, sweaty, done with the squeezing, and made a choice to breathe instead of perform!
That moment wasn’t just about shapewear. It was about the quiet snap when you stop contorting to make other people more comfortable. When you stop trying to fit into anything - a dress, a role, a version of yourself that isn’t real anymore.
We all have a version of that moment. Sometimes it looks like ripping off Spanx. Sometimes it looks like saying “no” without explaining. Sometimes it looks like standing taller in the same body you’ve been told to shrink.
Confidence: Not a Crown, a Comeback
One of our early readers said it best:
“Two women walk into a bar… they’re equally beautiful. One has confidence and one doesn’t. Who gets noticed? I assure you, it’s the woman with confidence.”
Confidence is the glow you can’t fake.
But here’s the thing no one tells you: it isn’t steady. It’s earned, lost, rebuilt, and claimed again.
For me, some days confidence struts in like she owns the room. Others, I have to drag her out from under the mess I buried her in. But she always finds her way back.
Not perfectly. Not instantly. But always.
The Hormone Hijack
Another early reader’s voice landed hard:
“For the first time in my life, I do NOT feel like I can handle everything.”
We weren’t warned about menopause. About how it scrapes away at your identity, your patience, your relationships. About how it makes capable, powerful women doubt themselves in the quiet corners of the day.
And the men around us? They weren’t taught either. So while our world tilts, they watch, confused, as if this storm isn’t coming for them too. Spoiler: it is.
This Is What’s True Now
These aren’t lessons I read in a book or heard on a stage. They’re the ones that have been carved into me slowly, over years - the kind that get buried under life, the noise, and all the other shit we never asked for:
I can care deeply without bending myself out of shape for everyone else.
Some days confidence roars. Some days it whispers. Plenty of days it goes missing and I have to go looking for it. But it’s still mine.
I am not unraveling - I’m finally taking the pen back and writing my own damn story!
The Real Glow-Up
Here’s what I know now: real strength isn’t something the young own. It’s something we claim when we choose ourselves… over and over.
Confidence isn’t handed to us; we earn it by getting back up!
It’s in the ripped-off shapewear, the unfiltered conversations, and the slow, stubborn reclaiming of the woman who never really left.
The Real Girls Guide to Midlife was born from these moments… the messy, unhinged middle where we stop pretending and start remembering who we are.
And I believe confidence wins… not because it’s constant, but because even when I lose it, I know how to find my way back.
Share your current midlife win with me - big or small - or tell me where you could use a boost from your crew. We aren’t alone here!
And buckle up… the roar is getting louder. The Real Girls Guide to Midlife is on her way!
We’ve earned every wrinkle. Might as well make more laugh lines together.
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My current "mid-life" win (wow it sort of sounds yuky to say that out loud) is that I am finally learning to use my voice and be my true self! I am starting to let the real me shine through, and I’m also becoming unapologetic about setting boundaries with the toxic bettys in my life.