Turned On: The Midlife Sexy Awakening With Dr. Trina Read
Why your 50s might just be the hottest decade yet.
We hear plenty about sleep, hormones, and hot flashes at this mile marker. But what about the other kind of heat? Yes, we’ve covered the hormone dips (you remember that All Fours chart!). The disappearing desire. The way life now sometimes feels like a hard stop. But what if it’s actually a spark? Dr. Trina Read, a Canadian Sexologist and author of Sex Boot Camp, has spent more than two decades helping women in long-term relationships reclaim pleasure, passion, and unapologetic intimacy. She believes the post-50 chapter isn’t just about surviving, it’s about thriving. Naked, preferably.
We caught up with her to talk about the myths, mindset, and magic of midlife sex.
Q1: You call midlife a “sexy awakening.” For women who feel more invisible than irresistible, how do we even begin to believe that?
Because it’s true. As oxytocin (the “tending and mending” hormone) decreases around 40, many women stop prioritizing everyone else and start tuning in to themselves. That’s not selfish, it’s sovereign. You become bolder, more in tune with your pleasure, and finally ready to ask for what you want - in and out of the bedroom.
Q2: What are the biggest roadblocks keeping women over 50 from great sex, and how can we bulldoze them?
First: silence. Too many women feel ashamed to talk about their changing desire or bodies. Second: miscommunication. Your needs shift in midlife (sometimes daily!), but most women haven’t been taught how to voice that. Start by getting clear on what feels good now. Then say it. Out loud. Kindly, but clearly.
Q3: So let’s talk about the orgasms. Are they gone for good, or just waiting for better lighting and a slower soundtrack?
Not gone. Just different. Post-50 sex is less about performance and more about presence. Think sensuality over speed. Quality over quantity. Add some lube, ditch the pressure, and remember: toe-curling joy lives in the build-up, not the sprint.
Q4: Many women tell us sex just hurts now. Is that the new normal, or is there help?
There is so much help. Estrogen loss during menopause can cause dryness and discomfort, but vaginal estrogen, pelvic floor therapy, and even a sprinkle of testosterone can make all the difference. Painful sex isn’t something you just “live with.” Advocate for yourself. Get a doctor who doesn’t dismiss your libido as a lost cause.
Q5: What’s one thing every woman over 50 should start doing today to feel sexier, even if her hormones are being total drama queens?
Practice asking, for rest, for touch, for what turns you on. Then let yourself receive it. Pleasure isn’t earned. It’s your birthright.
BONUS Q: You’ve been doing this work for over two decades. What gives you hope about women and intimacy in this chapter of life?
We’re done being quiet. I see women every day reclaiming their bodies, their stories, and their joy. Midlife isn’t the end of sex, it’s the beginning of sex on your own terms.
Want more from Dr. Trina Read?
Visit TrinaRead.com, check out her podcast Sensational Sex, and grab her award-winning book Sex Boot Camp for your nightstand and your power playlist.
If you felt seen reading this, imagine who else needs it. Pass it on - because midlife deserves honesty, not shame.
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We’ve earned every wrinkle. Might as well make more laugh lines together.
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