The Real Girls Reality Check(list) - Money, Power & Other Scary Words

What money meant, what it means now, and what I say when scarcity still knocks.

For most of my life, money meant safety. Not luxury, not leisure, but control. It was the armor I built as a teenager, the life raft I clung to in a sometimes complicated marriage, and the engine that powered me through single motherhood, job transitions, and late-night panic scrolls through my bank app.

I hustled hard. Paid the bills. Built a life. From my first job (I lied about my age at 14 just to get it) to my first house post-college (forks and knives only in the dishwasher because, hello, PB&J diet), money wasn’t about things. It was about being able to leave if I had to. About never needing to ask. About being the one holding the damn railing when life shook.

Here’s the thing: life in your forties and fifties doesn’t sneak in quietly - it kicks the door down.

Relationships end. Parents need care. Jobs vanish overnight or turn soul-sucking in ways we never saw coming. The financial rug gets yanked just as often as the emotional one, and it’s all connected.

No wonder our nervous systems stay braced for impact.

Even now, decades into career success, with a stable partnership and mostly grown kids, I still catch myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But for me, something’s shifting. Slowly.

A few months ago, I bought a car. Not a practical one. Not a “let’s talk APR” one. A damn fancy one. For context: I’d been driving a 2013 full-on mom SUV with nearly 220,000 miles on it - the kind of car you name because it’s been through that much with you.

I wrote a big-ass check. Drove it home. Waited for the wave of guilt or panic or buyer’s remorse to roll in the next morning when I walked into the garage.

Turns out, it didn’t.

You know what did roll in? Pride. Peace. And the full-body knowing that:

I worked for it. I earned it. I fucking deserve it.

That car wasn’t just a purchase. It was a reckoning. A reminder that I am no longer hustling to prove something or to survive. I’m building from a different place now. A steadier one.

Sure, the scarcity voice still whispers sometimes: Be careful. Don’t spend too much. Stay ready. But I know how to talk back.

Because here’s the unvarnished truth:

Money used to mean I can walk if I need to. I don’t owe you shit. I’ll survive on my own, thanks.

Now?

It means I can finally exhale. I don’t have to white-knuckle my way through every decision. I trust myself enough to let it be easy. To let it be shared. To let it be good.

That’s not just wealth. That’s a fucking revolution.

So if you’re wondering where you stand in your own money story, start here:

The Real Girls Guide to Money & Power After 50 - A Midlife Cheat Sheet

1. Money Was Never Just Money.
   It was power. It was safety. It was control when the rest of your life felt like a wrecking ball.

2. Your Paycheck Isn’t Your Worth.
   You can make six figures and still feel like you're one bad day away from collapse. That’s not failure, it’s trauma. Name it so you can stop living in it.

3. Solo Hustle Built You But It Doesn’t Have to Define You.
   Being the breadwinner taught you grit. Now you get to choose rest without guilt. That’s not lazy. That’s earned.

4. You Don’t Owe Anyone a Power Struggle.
   Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you have to prove it every damn day. Let your partner carry some weight. The world won’t end.

5. Old Scarcity Mindsets Die Hard.
   That urge to squirrel away cash and wait for the sky to fall? It’s your nervous system talking. Remind it you’re not that 14-year-old anymore.

6. It’s Okay to Want Nice Shit.
   The car, the trip, the splurge-y bottle of wine? If you can afford it and it brings joy, not chaos, you don’t have to justify it. Joy is ROI, too.

7. Reinvention Isn’t Just a Buzzword.
   It’s a slow, messy, liberating unraveling of what you thought success had to look like. And it’s worth every uncomfortable second.

8. Dependency Doesn’t Equal Weakness.
   Letting someone support you doesn’t erase the decades you supported everyone else. It just means you’re finally safe enough to exhale.

9. If It’s Not on Your Terms, It’s Not Power.
   Consulting part-time? Writing your truth? Sleeping the hell in? That’s control. That’s power. That’s midlife done right.

10. You Get to Keep the Credit.
    For the nights you didn’t sleep. For the jobs you never quit. For holding the line when no one else could. Even now…especially now…you get to own that story. Loudly.

💰 Bonus Item: - Life Curveballs Count, Too. Job loss, divorce, caregiving costs - sometimes life doesn’t just rattle your emotions, it can also bulldoze your bank account. If you’re in the thick of it right now without a safety net, please hear this: it’s not a personal failure. It’s reality. And starting a “WTF Fund” isn’t about shame - it’s about giving yourself one less thing to fear when the ground keeps shifting. Even tiny steps toward it are power reclaimed.

If I had to pick just one item from the Reality Girl Checklist to tackle first?

It wouldn’t be a budget spreadsheet or a retirement account.

It would be this: Untangle your worth from your income.

Because until you believe - deep in your bones - that you are worthy of safety, of joy, of taking up space regardless of what’s in your bank account, you’ll keep hustling for validation instead of peace.

Money isn’t just numbers. It’s loaded with stories. Start by rewriting yours.

Now it’s your turn. What’s your money story? What did you learn the hard way, or what do you wish someone had told you sooner? Drop a comment. Share a story with me at realgirlsguide55@gmail.com. Offer the advice you needed at 35, or still need at 55. Because the more we tell the truth, the less shame survives. Let’s build something honest, loud, and real, together.

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