The Real Girls Reality Check(list): Things I Wish Someone Told Me About Menopause

Because “one and done” is the biggest myth of all!

Let me start with the basics: menopause is not a tidy, one-and-done event. It’s not the period fairy quietly sneaking away with your last tampon and leaving you in peace. It’s a saga. A trilogy. A whole Marvel universe.

My story? I started having weird symptoms at 37 (too young, right?). My period stopped at 47. I thought, cool, I’m done. Spoiler alert: I was not done. Cue Wave Three of brand-new surprise symptoms - apparently, my body loves an uninvited sequel.

So what’s happening now? The hot flashes have launched a comeback tour, my joints are testing out new creaks like they’re auditioning for a horror movie, and my sex drive? Let’s just say it’s gone from a steady stream to a “limited release.” If you’re new here, my bladder is basically a prankster with the worst timing (but getting better thanks to vaginal estrogen cream), and the brain fog? It’s like opening a book and realizing half the pages are missing.

Add in a cancer diagnosis (so no hormone therapy for me, though I’m meeting a new doctor to talk options), plus two younger sisters who see me like their crash-test dummy, and let’s just say I tend to learn things the hard way.

Here’s your RGG Reality Check(list): what I really wish someone had told me:

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1. The symptoms aren’t linear (and I recently heard a doctor - I’m not one, by the way - say there are more than 200 of them).

Hot flashes don’t politely line up, take a bow, and exit stage left. They come back. In waves. With friends. Sometimes years later. It’s less “goodbye” and more “gotcha.”

2. Dryness isn’t just a bedroom issue.

We’re talking skin, eyes, joints, even nostrils. You will spend more money on lube, drops, and lotions than you did on your first car.

3. Sleep becomes optional.

Night sweats? Hormone chaos? That 3 a.m. wake-up where your brain wants to rehash 1998? Yeah. Don’t bother counting sheep. Count the number of times you’ve stripped the bedsheets this week.

4. Your doctor might dismiss you. Get a new one.

If someone waves off your symptoms with “it’s just aging” - fire them. Seriously. You need a doctor who listens, tests, and treats you like the CEO of your own body.

5. Mood swings aren’t madness, they’re messages.

Your body is trying to get your attention. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking you’re “crazy.” You’re not. You’re recalibrating.

6. It can feel lonely, but you’re not alone.

We just don’t talk about it enough - but thankfully, the silence is starting to crack. I write this stuff because no one said it to me at 37, 47, or even now.

7. Menopause is not the end of desire.

Bodies change. Intimacy changes. But connection - with yourself and others - can get deeper, hotter, and way more real.

8. You’ll need new tools.

From cooling fans to red-light masks, from meditation apps to girlfriends who’ll talk you off the ledge… and yes, for many women, MHT (menopause hormone therapy) is a total game changer, this isn’t the time to skimp on your survival kit.

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Bottom line: For some, menopause feels like falling off a steep, disorienting cliff. But really? It’s a long, messy hike full of switchbacks, detours, and surprise views. You don’t survive it by being perfect. You survive it by being prepared, being loud, and laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Looking for a smart, science-forward resource? Check out Dr. Kelly Casperson’s The Menopause Moment: Mindset, Hormones and Science for Optimal Longevity - a clear, evidence-based guide to what’s really happening and how to navigate it.

Also, if you’re not following Alexis Dunne, MD @dunnewithmenopause - an internal medicine doc and menopause specialist who mixes wisdom with laughs, please do yourself a favor. Start now. She makes menopause feel a little less maddening and a lot more manageable.

*And if my own two younger sisters are reading this: I truly am the messy first draft of our crew. You’re welcome ;) *

Now, over to you: What’s the one thing you wish someone had told you before the hot flashes, night sweats, or mood swings hit? Drop it in the comments - let’s build the menopause survival guide we all deserved years ago.

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#RGG55, #RealGirlsGuide, #MidlifeTruths, #MenopauseSurvivalGuide, #HotFlashHumor, #RGGrealitycheck, #AgingOutLoud, #HormoneHighway, #RealTalkMenopause

We’ve earned every wrinkle. Might as well make more laugh lines together.
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