Real Girls Don’t Pick Sides

Why contradiction is the boldest power move in midlife!

I don’t expect doors to be opened for me. I’ve spent decades opening my own. But when I see my boys show up with old-school manners, holding a door, pulling out a chair, offering respect without ego, I feel proud. Because it is not about women needing it. It is about honoring the people in your life with small gestures of care.

That is how I feel when my partner does it too. I don’t expect it. I sure as hell don’t need it. But I deeply respect it when it happens. And honestly, I know it must be confusing for my man sometimes - one minute I’m all “I’ve got this,” and the next I’m melting when he shows up with tenderness.

At this stage in life, I know I can hold both truths at once: I am fiercely independent, and I can also savor a little softness, too.

Some might call that a paradox. I call it what it really is: contradiction, and it is powerful as hell.

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Two Things at Once

I can be fuming and happy. Hot and cold (yes, figuratively and literally, thank you, menopause). I can want space one moment and crave connection the next. I don’t have to pick a single lane and stay in it.

For too long, we were told to be consistent, predictable, palatable. Don’t be too much. Don’t be confusing. Don’t want things that contradict each other.

Well, fuck that.

I’m both. I’m all. And I’m done apologizing for it.

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Permission Slips? Shredded

The beauty of midlife is that I no longer wait to be told it is okay. I don’t second-guess myself into paralysis. If I need something - space, touch, help, a damn nap, I ask for it.

And when I want something? I take it. The clock’s too loud now… no more softening myself to fit someone else’s comfort zone. We’ve all done our time in waiting rooms. This is the main event.

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Contradiction = Freedom

For years, we were sold the lie that contradiction equals weakness. That wanting independence and tenderness, strength and softness, anger and joy made us flaky or unstable.

Newsflash: it makes us free.

Contradiction is not chaos. It is liberation. It is proof we have lived, loved, lost, and reclaimed. It is the luxury of wisdom colliding with the urgency of time. It is knowing that letting a man open your door does not erase the years you spent breaking glass ceilings. It is knowing you can rage and rejoice in the same breath.

This is NOT confusion. This is freedom.

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The Real Girls Truth

Midlife isn’t about either/or. It is about all/and.

All the rage, all the joy. All the independence, all the intimacy. All the contradictions that make us human, and all the power that comes from owning them without shame.

So no, I don’t expect chivalry. But when it shows up, I’ll take it with respect and gratitude. Because I know I am not losing myself in the exchange, I am expanding.

That is what freedom looks like: not trimming yourself down to fit into one box, but claiming the whole damn shelf.

Tell me: where are you living in contradiction right now? Where does your paradox show up and set you free? Share in the comments or DM me at realgirlsguide55.com if you’re shy!

Real Girls aren’t confused… we’re unleashed.

We’ve earned every wrinkle. Might as well make more laugh lines together.
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