Her son said, "I'm not ready yet" at five, and being glad years later that she didn't make him. I spent decades forgiving on demand, smoothing it over fast so everyone else could feel okay again, and I'm only now learning the difference between that and the real thing. The way Angela separates acceptance from forgiveness, and forgiveness from reconciliation, is the cleanest version of this I've read. Angeles Arrien wrote about the visionary's task as telling the truth without blame, and that's exactly what she does here, without flinching. This is the same ground we keep finding ourselves on, helping women stop handing out absolution to keep everyone else comfortable. Grateful to be walking it alongside you.
Peace and forgiveness are not the same thing . . . this is so true. I used to feel that I "should" forgive or "get over" others' actions, but now I accept that I don't have to. It hurt. Period. I don't even have to accept it. But I can find peace, and be sure that it doesn't rock my boat anymore.
So well said!! And I so deeply relate to the feelings of “should” and “get over” things; it’s taken me a long time to reach this place and that has brought me true peace in many situations.
Loved this especially this line ‘Would I tell my daughter or best friend to tolerate this?’ That’s a good litmus test for me.
Thank you and it sure is helpful xoxo Glad you're here
Her son said, "I'm not ready yet" at five, and being glad years later that she didn't make him. I spent decades forgiving on demand, smoothing it over fast so everyone else could feel okay again, and I'm only now learning the difference between that and the real thing. The way Angela separates acceptance from forgiveness, and forgiveness from reconciliation, is the cleanest version of this I've read. Angeles Arrien wrote about the visionary's task as telling the truth without blame, and that's exactly what she does here, without flinching. This is the same ground we keep finding ourselves on, helping women stop handing out absolution to keep everyone else comfortable. Grateful to be walking it alongside you.
This comment means more to me than I can express. Thank you for digging in and for sharing. Grateful for you!
Peace and forgiveness are not the same thing . . . this is so true. I used to feel that I "should" forgive or "get over" others' actions, but now I accept that I don't have to. It hurt. Period. I don't even have to accept it. But I can find peace, and be sure that it doesn't rock my boat anymore.
So well said!! And I so deeply relate to the feelings of “should” and “get over” things; it’s taken me a long time to reach this place and that has brought me true peace in many situations.
Discomfort Intolerance…this resonates so deeply!
So smart! So important to know when to say, "That's enough." I've always been more "Let me think about this ... " than "Let them." 🤣
:-) for a long time even the pause felt weird to me…now, though, not so much. And sometimes I say “nope” xo
I love it! You always inspire me!
This post was well-written and spot on. It really captured my feelings.
thank you so much for reading and commenting!