Cheap, Effective, and Fresh Out of F*cks!

Backhanded and Busted: Real Girls Don’t Clap for That!

Let’s talk about the backhanded, passive-aggressive, low-key insulting shit women hear all. the. time. Disguised as compliments. Delivered with a smile. Often followed by, "No offense!" or "I meant that as a compliment!"

Uh huh. Sure ya did, Jan (this is a Brady Bunch reference for my 70s girlies).

"You’re cheap and effective."
I was told this by someone I respected (yes, a man), and yes, I get it. On a spreadsheet, I’m a damn good ROI. But I’m not Clorox wipes. I’m not a budget air fryer. And even if I am efficient as hell, calling me cheap to my face is NOT a flex. That’s not a compliment. That’s a red flag blowing kisses with a fake nail.

"Look at you… actually articulate."
What the hell is that supposed to mean? Were you expecting me to bark?

"You're bringing back skinny jeans!"
No, babe. I never left. Just because Gen Z declared war on them doesn’t mean I turned in my Real Girls card. These jeans may be out of style (or not - who actually knows), but they’ve still got my ass’s back, literally.

“You’re pretty… for a woman your age.”
First of all, that sentence should come with a penalty flag and a fine. Second, who asked you?

"You look prettier in person."
Translation: I thought your selfies were busted, but I’ll toss you a crumb now that you’re standing in front of me.

"You look tired."
Newsflash: I am tired. Tired of that being your go-to opener. Say something useful or kindly STFU.

I’ve been interrupted mid-story to have my word choice corrected.
I’ve been told my laugh is “a lot.”
I’ve been mocked for my sneeze.
Yes. My fucking sneeze.

This garbage comes from everywhere:

• Family members who think they’re being “honest.”

• Coworkers who are “just giving you some feedback.”

• Friends who think “that’s just how we talk.”

• Strangers who should mind their own damn business.

Here’s the kicker: we used to swallow this stuff. We nodded. We fake-laughed. We let it slide. Why?

Because we didn’t want to seem difficult.
Because we wanted to be liked.
Because we thought if we were cool with it, we were somehow above it.

But you know what? That time is OVER.

We’ve got fewer fucks left to give and zero interest in carrying someone else’s baggage while they hand us insults gift-wrapped in “kindness.” No more decoding the tone. No more pretending we didn’t catch it. We caught it. We see you.

So here’s your new midlife mantra:
If it smells like a dig, feels like a dig, and hits like a dig… it’s a dig.
And you don’t have to sit in it. Or smile through it.

Try this comeback on for size:
“Wow, that was oddly specific. You good?”
or
“Cool story. Wanna try again with something less condescending?”

🧨 Now it’s your turn.
Drop the worst backhanded “compliment” you’ve ever gotten in the comments. Share this with someone who needs a laugh and a little fire in her veins.

We’re not gatekeeping the comebacks anymore, and if you're not already subscribed, it's free and the good stuff always drops there first. 💋

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We’ve earned every wrinkle. Might as well make more laugh lines together.
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